My Final Exam- Nice Assignment Huh?

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Thanksgiving

I love being around family. I just talked to my younger sister, who is living in Hawaii going to college there. We talked to her through "Skype," which was fun, but I could not help but miss her and feel nostalgic.

This is the holiday that I miss home the most because it is the one that cannot be replicated anywhere except my Aunt Harvey's white columned, plantation home, porch complete with Nana and groupings of cousins, second cousins, family, friends, and that random addition to the circle that I don't know yet. I often recognize faces, but don't know how they are connected to our clan.

I haven't been home for Thanksgiving in over five years, but I can still smell the smells, and every year, I miss the hayride, the cold spread at 1:00, the Styrofoam cups reeking with potent permanent marker. My sister Erica says that she hasn't been back there for Thanksgiving in ten years; so we're trying to do it here. I tried playing "Crack the Whip" with my nieces from the west, but it's not the same as Becca or Diedra yanking our arms out of socket as they run us in circles with the sounds of laughter coming from the two story playhouse sitting in the cold grass and mud out back.

I miss the accents. I miss the off-color comments and seeing my Dad in his element, talking casually and energetic with his people. I miss my Mom fluttering around, helping Aunt Harvey with whatever prep work there is left, or hunting down her cakes that people are trying to steal instead of share. I miss hearing Aunt Barbara ask me, "how are you sweetheart or darlin'?" I miss hiding out with my sisters, watching Luke as he lays on his blanket, playing with my eastern and southern nieces and nephews, and then awkwardly trying to join in conversations with cousins who are my age, even though I didn't know them well.

Being out here in California is great. The macaroni pie is here. Some family is here. I am blessed, but I still feel so far from home. I dream of being back in South Carolina, where I make the annual trip to the tacky bargain barn. Man, I want to buy some cheap lipstick there or get some for free from Aunt Kay or Aunt Harvey.

Working on my paper... You can read it later...

If My Life Were a Soundtrack, It Would Be a Celtic Folk Ensemble

Snowy Snapshots

As I got out of my car at some point during the day, I looked up and saw a clearing in the wispy clouds about the Wasatch front. There was a peak so definitive that from far below I could see individual branches. They looked so perfect frosted in the snowy layers that clung to each pine strand and needle, with the clouds to frame the moment, the blue sky the backdrop, and a moment for me to pause and stare: until I realized I had to go to work. So I walked away from my picture, and its cast now in the brief respite of my mind.

The joy of poetry is that it can bring these eidetic images back to us. I am had the library looking over sample questions for the Praxis II that I'm taking on Saturday, when this poem was listed as part of a question, and it opened my former picture, once again for just a moment.

Robert Frost's Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening:

Whose woods these are I think I know. - A
His house is in the village, though; - A
He will not see me stopping here - B
To watch his woods fill up with snow. - A
My little horse must think it queer - B
To stop without a farmhouse near - B
Between the woods and frozen lake - C
The darkest evening of the year. - B
He gives his harness bells a shake - C
To ask if there is some mistake. - C
The only other sound's the sweep - D
Of easy wind and downy flake. - C
The woods are lovely, dark and deep. - D
But I have promises to keep, - D
And miles to go before I sleep, - D
And miles to go before I sleep. - D

Like Frost, I feel like I have miles to go before I sleep. Miles to go. And many virtues to acquire, patience to be developed, and hope to be embellished by the break in the clouds or in the village. Somehow the snow and clouds, their whiteness, cleans my air and let's me breathe in: small walking moments in the run of my life.

Learning

You can't give learning away. It's an individual effort.

Great Minds Think Alike

Dear Emma,

While some people may think that this title references my sister, it truly is a reaction and personal response to my friend Jane Austen. My roommates and I ate at the Olive Garden tonight, where we were waited on by a British server from Liverpool. Much to our astonishment and dismay, he didn't know who Jane Austen was. After this discovery, we determined to watch Emma when we got home since we have been meaning to for some time. I love this story and find it hilarious that two hundred years after Austen penned this tale of silly girls and their romances, the truths it reveals about women is still true. Almost embarrassingly so. But it is for this reason that we love her stories. A friend asked me why people love her works; he says that they're boring even though he's a fellow English teaching major. While I credit him for not jumping on the bandwagon, I believe that women appreciate Jane's stories because we relate to her characters' thoughts and feel validated that their thoughts so long ago echo our own. Jane's witty character development and analysis are stirring indeed but require patience to get along with her language.

Thanks Jane for a lovely evening,
Sarah

P.S. I am just noticing the formality of my language now; it must be directly related to the fake British accent running through my head as I type this in the good ole Austen fashion. I hope that the old adage "great minds think alike" is true.

Character

Halloween beckons.
It calls to my Inner child,
Which is why today,
four days before the Blessed day,
I am dressed as Nala,
A young lioness ready to pounce and pin.
Nala takes my reserved self and makes it
fiesty,
hearty,
and firesome,
which led me to tomorrow:

Katniss, the firegirl,
Young heroine of my heart.
I'm not the Mockingjay,
but I dream of being
Firegirl.
I can see my arms ablaze with fabric,
my bodice aflamed in
red,
orange,
and yellow.
My hands burning their gloves.

on Friday, I will be someone.
Some identity I love.
People may not
Recognize the
Nala
or
Katniss,
But on the inside:
I am changed.
I am a character.
I see many characters.
I can be many characters,
Characterized and selected
by my
Secular Worship.

FHE-Pumpkin Painting turned to Face Painting for those with a small attention span...

Before:

After:

Basically, after I painted a dot on David's face, he grabbed mine and gave me a mustache, a uni-brow, and a beard thingie. I suppose I should have known it was coming. I love Fall.

Dear Self: A Moment of Honesty

Dear Self,

Once upon a time in my current situation, I spent the day working and studying. I slept in until 8:00 because I was tired from getting up so early on the day before in order to finish a paper before 8:00. I planned; I ate; I sang to myself; and then I left bravely for the day.

By 11:00, I was teaching a room full of silent seniors, who surprisingly were not as excited about Shakespeare's Othello as I was. I asked them questions. I read with them. And I tried to think of anything that would get their interest. On the inside, I was begging the minutes to pass more quickly so that my misery could end. Finally, they passed. And I was able to sit back and readjust for five minutes before my next class came in; I prayed in my heart that somehow I could shake off my fears of repeat and approach the lesson with a few adaptations. My prayers were answered and the lesson went well.

I went grocery shopping, which I had needed to do for three weeks. I came home and worked on reflection assignments. I went to work only to find that I had overlooked some details in helping mentor one of my athletes. It is frustrating to know that I dropped the ball, especially, when as a perfectionist, I am good at blaming myself.

Although there were some fun finds during the day: like a Shakespeare supplementary reading guide and a National Geographic issue to add to my classroom library, I just ended my day with a cranky attitude that no one could please or satisfy. I came here, here to my writing in order to talk myself out of pointless and unjustified angst.

As I just wrote, I realized that this built up feeling at the end of the day isn't uncommon for me these days. In fact, one time I was feeling emotional because of another long day, and my roommate finally and kindly told me what I needed. I said, "what do you think? Don't you have an opinion?" She said, "I think you need to go to bed." When tonight I saw a repeat of said inner crankiness, I knew that she was right that night and her wisdom will now be my answer to my feelings when living on little rest: sleep it off. Some people may laugh when Scarlet O'Hara says that "[she] can't think about it today. [She'll] think about it tomorrow," but I say "AMEN sister!" Sometimes, the world of dreams is the best medicine for moodiness.

And I never fancied myself one of those females, but I'm starting to believe and be honest: women are weird sometimes. And I am woman. What a realization.

Ado, ado.
Goodnight.

P.S. I feel much better. This shouldn't be a post-script, but writing about my answered prayer immediately made the pent-up mood dissipate. Gratitude changed my attitude and threshold. I was immediately calmed when I wrote that paragraph; The Holy Ghost calmed my inner storm.

A New Addiction--Well, a Recognized Addiction

I am addicted to buying books. My new favorite hunting spot is at DI. They have cheap books and since I am building up my classroom library, I am creating a hefty collection that might be a beast to pack as I head off to wherever I am headed next. I wonder where phase five of my life will be.

Paper break!

"Is there someone else?" Frank
"No, but there's the dream of someone else." Kathleen Kelly

You've Got Mail

Teaching People How to Study

How am I supposed to teach other people how to plan and study well if I can't get all my stuff done??

Raw Warning

Raw Warning

Writing and Reading
Not a dangerous scene.
In spite of all our travels,
The dangers are unseen.

Perhaps we think of conflicts,
Of wars about the good.
Of social movements plenty,
Of characters who could.

And then we sit in classes,
We talk and fill the boards.
We turn in all our papers--
Insecurity withstood.

Yet my hands have their scarring.
Like bed sores a la carte
From the computer where they rest
Rubbing raw, from thinking smart.

So English isn't shooting,
But safe I don't believe,
Look at my hands and elbows.
They testify; they bleed.

Hope

The Due Date

I feel like I'm about to have a baby. Don't worry, I don't mean that I'm literally knocking on the hospital's door with contractions jolting my stomach. I mean that as I approach my student teaching, I can see the due date, and there's no going back. I decided nine months ago plus some years that this was my goal so here I am.

As you can tell by my last post, I often feel destined to be a teacher. Like I said, I feel so empowered in my classes and learning. But today, two things happened that shook my confidence. One, I found out that I will be going to a high school, which intimidates me. I have been preping my nerves for middle school. But high school seems more intimidating. Closer in age. So: I'll readjust. But it just becomes more real knowing where I will be.

After a long day of homework, my first day of work, and my responsibilities, I went to the BYU baseball field to watch Remember the Titans, a favorite of mine--ask me to quote it. Kristina pointed out that BYU was using the film to pump the students up before the season starts this Saturday. I hadn't thought of that. But watching the movie, made me picture myself in front of students. In front of them teaching, in charge of their education. What if I'm bad at it? I realize that I am afraid of failing them and failing myself. This is the intimidation.

But like I said, the due date is coming. I'm already here. Picking a major is the same as getting pregnant. It's too late at this point.

Employed to Mentor and Teach!

I am now a mentor for BYU's freshman athletes. I will be assigned members of the track, volleyball, and basketball teams. I honestly am so excited about this position because I will be helping students establish good study skills, time management methods, and good university habits as they try to succeed academically while also playing their sports.

I realized in class last night, that my classes often feel like spiritual experiences. Not because they are religious, but because as I learn to be a teacher, I am preparing to serve humanity and lift my students to reach their potential, to build positive self-esteem, and to feel accepted and loved. These are my goals. More than teaching the subject of English, I am excited to teach young people. It's like we learned as missionaries, "teach the people, not the lessons."

In class, we discussed the concept of "home team," where students have a safe, fun, and loving environment. At sport events, the student body only cheers positively its team, and does not boo the opponent. That builds confidence and self worth. The players feel safe to play, safe to make mistakes, and safe to lose. This opens their minds to succeeding.

I realized that when I was in high school, I didn't feel a part of the home team when I played volleyball. I was afraid to mess up. I was afraid to be daring because of that. When my coach made a comment about the Mormon tabernacle choir, my confidence shrunk even more. Eventually, my junior year, I didn't even try out because I didn't feel good about myself while playing on the team. I also never tried out for softball, another favorite sport because I was afraid of not making it or not performing well in practices or games. These were such lost opportunities and I regret them so much. I regret not playing. It was directly a result of self-esteem issues. Though academically I excelled, part of my development failed.

That is what "home team" is meant to prevent. It is a feeling to build students up and to help them be themselves at their bests. I am so excited to help in this endeavor.

These speak for themselves!!!

Friendly Angels of Inspiration

I am just musing about how blessed I am. The Lord has given me so many wonderful friends to lift me up in moments of need. Some of these friends are family members, and some are friends that I have made my family. Those people in my life who make me want to be a better person are invaluable to me. They often are answers to my prayers. Rays of sunshine. They are the whisperings of the Spirit, as they follow promptings that affect me in my life. In this way they are angels to me.

This morning, a mission friend told me that we are most blessed when we have trials. The Lord taught us this in the Sermon on the Mount. He said what I needed to hear this morning, and he is in Columbia, completely unaware of the minute, silly details of my life. Yet, the Lord once again provided a tender mercy.

Maine

This is the feel of Maine! I love that I just steal someone else's picture...

:-)

Happiness means letting go of things
outside of your control.
It means forging new levels of patience.
And new methods for coping.

Happiness means being grateful
for what blessingsyou have.
Not demanding that they be
tailor-made to your wishes.

Happiness means accepting life as it is.
And stepping forward with
hope for tomorrow--

And yesterday--
And today.

Hope that tomorrow will find growth.
Yesterday, meaning.
And today________________________________.
(FILL IN THE BLANK)



Written on July 7, 2010

Grammie's Stories

As I am spending time in Maine with my grandparents, my life consists of several things, some outdoors and some in. My mom and I are biking a lot along the coast. I did Pilates this morning when I woke up, and then lazily read for a while, watched a movie, did laundry, went rock searching and so on. My rock collection is growing. Since there is nothing else to be doing with my time, why not collect rocks? Seems a good use of the plenty of time I have.

I have also been asking my grandmother about her parents and about her life as well. I have learned the most random things. For instance, when she was applying for jobs, after graduating from college, she said that she couldn’t find a job as a chemist. First of all as background information, when Grammie was in high school, she took physics, which girls just did not do in her day. She was one of two girls to take the class. It comes as no surprise, even after the Rosies changed the workforce, that in the 1940s, women were not allowed to be chemists. Except to wash the bottles and such as she pointed out. Also, one job listed the requirement that she not become pregnant for five years. She obviously refused since my uncle was born. These were interesting facts. To realize that in my grandmother’s lifetime, women did not have the opportunities that they have today. I have often said that I am tired of the feminist criticism that is debated in my English classes, and I still maintain that they are overly discussed at this point, but my grandmother lived through the injustice.

She went to a women’s college, a part of Rutger’s University in New Jersey, where curfew was 7:00 p.m. If she wasn’t in her dormitory by that time, the doors were locked, and the girls had to find a watchman to let them in and rebuke them. When I asked her if he was harsh in the scolding, she said she didn’t know because she never did it. She never got in trouble. I asked her if being in by 7:00 p.m. was hard, to which she said, “no! I was sixteen years old! Where was I going to be?” I also asked her how life was during the War, but she said that she didn’t notice. “I was in college. When you’re in college, you’re in your own little world.” I loved that. Men were not supposed to visit the girls. Not even her brother could come without special permission. She remarked that nowadays, colleges have no regulations. (I thought, BYU does). But I am grateful that curfew is not at 7:00 p.m.

Her mother, my great-grandmother Anna Charlotte, apparently lied to her husband and the government about her age. She didn’t want to be two years older than him so she said that she was born in 1895 on government documents to youthen up. But Grammie found her birth certificate and uncovered the secret. She said that she didn’t think that her father ever knew that she lied. Sounds like a womanly thing to do. I really laughed at this bit.

And my great-grandfather, Howard Skyler Mahany, obviously liked tourism because rather than regular industry. He came over from Ireland when he was eighteen. As an entrepreneur, he owned an excursion boating company that ran up and down the Hudson River and an excursion bus industry.


Grandpa Quotes

I usually write with a pen and paper.
Cell phones. Biggest waste of time.
Why do you keep music on your computer?
Well, where is your IPOD?

NYC--From the Sky

We just flew into an airport in New York City on our way to Maine. Normally on an airplane, my nose is locked into a book, and not even in landing do my eyes leave the pages. But not this time.

At a side glance I noticed a bridge crossing a waterway, and since I'm obsessed with any body of water, I immediately stated examining the metal connection cords, the cars crossing it, and then, whoosh! It was gone, severed from my sight by a curtain of cloud. After a few seconds, the next scene flashed--blocks of buildings that reminded me of legos, locked in side by side, slued to each others sides. I couldn't tell from the air whether they were homes or apartment buildings.

Flash. The clouds again. Till I noticed a grouping of skyscrapers, scraping the haze of the city ceiling. As I glanced back, seeing more water and bridges, I saw the Statue of Liberty. I jerked in recognition and immediately searched for Ellis Island. It was so cool. Bridges. Buildings. Sandwiched Houses. Clouds creating snapshots. Soccer Fields. And the Wide Expanse of Population. So Much Humanity Built Into Once Space.

I thought of Milena, my friend from high school. I don't know if she's here or traveling abroad. But in NYC, there are thousands of families, thousands of people. The cemetery is heavily populated and condensed just like its city. The brick expanse of suburb surrounds the glassy tall buildings that make up the capitol.

I thought to myself, "where would the Twin Towers have been?" I remembered not even knowing of them until my freshman year on September 11, 2001. I'm sure that New Yorkers do not say the same.

The clouds were such great breakers. They broke up the details and let me absorb little things--organizing my thoughts and reactions to the Big Apple, as seen from the sky.

A Rock Collection

Well, Elizabeth Bennett asked, “what are men compared to rocks and mountains?” Well, men are still important to me, but I still think that rocks are important too. While we were in South Carolina, I collected little white rocks along the crabbing shoreline. Here in Maine, I found black and checkered rocks to match them. If I like them once I put them together, then I am going to make a rock bowl centerpiece or something, representing both of my grandmothers: one from South Carolina and the other from Maine. I hope there pretty physically, and not just in theory.

Monopoly- Children Learning About Life

Playing Monopoly with children is a different type of Monopoly. My perspective completely changed because rather than care about the game itself, like my normal competitive self, I couldn't pay attention to it because I was laughing so hard at the things my niece and nephews would say and the faces they would make.

For example, after examining the prices of mansions and such, Twelve year old Isaac said, "I don't want to be a grown-up anymore. It's confusing." That comment was soon followed with "I love this game" by eight year old Ben, who was collecting $150 from Isaac. Miss Grace, at only ten years old, raked in the do. Everyone seemed to be paying the Queen for her lucky properties. Yet, even with more than $3,000 in hand, she would exclaim, "What?! $100!" if she had to pay someone. Ben retorted, "Grace, that's nothing!" PopPop (the Grandpa) said while laughing, "you all like this game when you're the one collecting..." Ben said, "This game is all about money." Isaac and Grace chimed, "Exactly." Then, as Isaac held out his hands while I payed him for his mansions, he said, "now, I want to be a grown-up again." PopPop was right.

They skirted past my properties of course, meaning that I lost to children. Yet, I don't take it to heart, considering that I orchestrated most of Grace's trades and building; therefore, I guided her to victory. But hey, I can't have my family losing at Monopoly when I'm not around--got to train them well.

At the beginning of the end of the game, Ben, with $2 in hand, said, "I'm broke." As did Isaac and I as we gracefully lost, while Grace squealed in delight of her victory. She closed the game by saying, "I wish this was real life," all property on her side, mansions and houses galore, and wads of $500 currency. Yeah well, I bet she does. Do Ben, Isaac, and I? I think not!

family quotes

"you can go to hell for lying just like for stealin' chickens." Emma to Dad. (She was repeating his quote that he obviously reminds her of quite often.

"We have two days left. Two days left of awesomeness!" Grace Snider

Feliz Dia de Independcia!

Happy Fourth of July.

Well, a few weeks ago, Hillary and David's mother asked me whether or not we were going to root for the U.S. team or Brazil and Argentina. Well, it made me think about my patriotism. When it comes to soccer, I think I'll swing south, but as for all other sports and things, I'm all for the United States of America. I love that I had to seriously think about this though.

Today at church, we sang patriotic songs for the hymns, which I enjoyed. It was fun to sing about the truth marching on because it is all over the world. Patriotism is more than for a country; it is for God; it is for truth. And this American country is where the gospel was restored. I love Argentina. I love studying and visiting the world. But I love the smell of fireworks, the salty air of the east coast, the cool breeze in the Tennessee trees, and the smell of campfire. These are the traditions of my homeland. Plus, jet-skiing and boating tomorrow.

God Bless the USA. And God bless the world. And God bless the people.

Family Quotes

Anna: Sometimes I wish that real life was like Twilight .

Emma: After I have seen a Harry Potter movie, I feel differently about life.

Dad: He's tighter than skin on Bologna.

Romeo and Juliet

I'm starting a new section of my blog: my favorite lines and quotes from what I read.

Romeo and Juliet

Quotes:

Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;
Being purged, a fire a sparkling in lovers' eyes;
Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears.
What is it else? A madness most discreet,
A choking gall, and a preserving sweet.
(Act 1.1: 199-203)

Benvolio Be ruled by me: forget to think of her.
Romeo O teach me how I should forget to think.
Benvolio By giving liberty unto thine eyes.
Examine other beauties.
(Act 1.1: 234-37)
***How true that is! And yet, most of the time, I find it impossible to forget.***

Why rail'st thou on thy birth, the heaven, and earth,
Since birth and heaven and earth all three do meet
In thee at once, which thou at once wouldst lose.
(Act 3.3: 119-121)

For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.
(Act 5.3:309-310)

Wildlife Affecting My Dreams

Well, I am at the beach. It's great fun. Yesterday, we went para-sailing (if that's how you spell it). It was weird being up so high in the air. My sisters and I were in the same harness, which was fun. We saw three sharks from high above. One of them was only about 50 yards from where they dunked us before pulling us back to the ship. Thus, we freaked out while we were bouncing in the swells, though I imagine that 50 yards was a gross exaggeration. We probably were much farther.

You would think that would be enough wildlife for one day. It should have been were we not so adventurous. We went jet-skiing to a small Carolina wharf to have lunch. While in the rivers, we spotted a giant alligator on the shoreline. Gluttons for danger and/or punishment, we circled back five times to see it, and in alignment with our heritage, take a picture (stab at mother!).

Unfortunately, such adventures made me sea-minded at bedtime. After watching the midnight premier of Eclipse with my sisters, being thoroughly tired, I felt like I was floating on my back in the water, even though I was only on my solid, stable, flat, and non-moving bed. While trying to drift asleep, each time I drowsed off, immediately a giant alligator head surfaced in my heart and I immediately jerked awake with an intake of breath. This happened five times before I was finally able to fall asleep without dreaming of this alligator. It's amazing how real and frightening dreams can prove to be.

Today, I was contented by a harmless dolphin off the shoreline, as I sat in the sun reading the last of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet . My sisters laughed that I would read Shakespeare on my own, and so would I have if before my Shakespeare class this past winter. I loved it. And now, I love Shakespeare. I never thought I'd be converted. But alas! I was.

Leave them with your email address!

Today, I flew from Michigan to Tennessee, which was a blessing in my life for the following reason. Once again, I was able to share the gospel. This time with my flight neighbor named Alex. She is starting college at UT in the fall. What was funny is that I sat down and noticed that she was reading Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer when I had tucked away in my back , ready to be read, Breaking Dawn . We talked about Twilight, school, and eventually, religion! Bingo!!! I love it!

Alex told me that she was Catholic, but that she didn't practice it much. She wants to explore other religions, but she is hesitant because her grandmother is so fervent in her Catholic beliefs that she is nervous for her reaction. She told me that she had several Mormon friends and that she knew where the Mormon Temple was. I was lucky that I had a pass-along card. Back in January, the missionary committee gave us pass-along cards so that we could have them on hand. Thank you! I gave her my email and asked her to please contact me; and of course I told her to go visit our Church with one of those Mormon friends and that the missionaries would be waiting for her questions if she had any. I think she might. She sounded open to the idea of it.

A little under two months ago, I was able to help a back packer from Finland find a bus. I talked to him for about an hour about the Restoration. I gave him a conference issue of the Ensign since he was so intrigued by the idea of modern day prophets and apostles. He said to me, "and you believe that," incredulously. :-) I loved that. I said, "yes! When you hear them talk, you know their words are different. The Holy Ghost backs up their words." I also left him with my email address, and last week he actually emailed me!

Thus, I have learned, leave your contact information with those with whom you share. It leaves the door open to more communication. It's not just drop a card and wish them well; it can become a friendship, even if only like penpals that could lead them to the Church and to the missionaries!

I felt so happy today on the plane. In these moments, I feel such a soft happiness. I love it. This is my work and my glory. To bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of my fellow men. Just like my Father's (Moses 1:39).

Thanks for FRIENDSHIP!

Well, I am still in Michigan, but only for today. Tomorrow I leave, and I'm kinda sad about it. I'm not sure that I should broadcast such information. I am excited to see my family, but I also love having non-family family. Basically that's a shout-out to Hillary and David, who are such important parts of my life. I appreciate them so much.

On another side, I appreciate other friends as well, ones who even when far apart are close to heart because they care enough to make friendship a stable, fun support in our lives. I need that. I guess I thrive on the social, which means for me, these people make me a better person. I have such good friends. Such high quality. They inspire me to improve and to be a good person. Thanks to you all.

Patience and Forgetting vs. Worrying

You know what's funny? Sometimes you want something to happen. In fact, you want it so much that you often think about it even when you're trying not to. Of course, when you're at this state of mind, nothing happens. This is how it goes in my life. It's not until I've forced myself to forget about whatever it is, that said event occurs. That happened yet again yesterday. When I least expected it, I was very pleasantly surprised. Oh man... such is lovely life.

Summer Lovin'

I am in Michigan at the moment with my best friend and her family! Last night, I asked Hillary what time she wanted to get up. She said that "she didn't care because we had nothing to do today!" It was so weird. I fell asleep, looking out her bay window at the moon and the clouds surrounding it. Around 9:00, we woke up, ate banana milkshakes, and watched LOST. Then, we went outside to the pool to lay out and swim a bit. We ended up reading to each other at the poolside, talking girl talk, and napping a bit. I thought to myself, "this is it?" What am I going to do all summer? I'm not sure that I like the lazy life.

It was so good to see David though. I was so excited after I hugged him that I was shaking. Man, that must have been excitement. It's like he never left. Missions are so weird. Friends part for a long time, but because of the shared service, even though each person served in different parts of the world, when they come back together, it's as though everything is back in sync. I love it! The final piece to my puzzle from before my mission is back in place.

And now I have new pieces to add to the mix. I get to add Karin to my circle of love. Of course, there are many other companions and converts, but she is in Utah, which makes her more permanent. Alysha is a stronger piece as well. Before my mission she was my friend from Spain. Now she's that, my MTC companion, and my friend who coached me through the first stages of dating (we started dating guys at the same time; hers is still going on; I left mine behind :-)! ). And of course, there are new friends and interests that entered my life this spring. But I will divulge these things later.

That's summer fun (laziness) and spring updates!

Cheating on Chocolate

I just discovered how much I love coconut desserts. As a child, I didn't think anything without chocolate could be labeled as dessert. On the way to class today, I stopped by the bookstore to grab a bottle of water to get me through my history class. At the register, I saw a tiny sign that read, "dessert without chocolate" or something to that effect. Much to my surprise, I immediately wanted this white ball of coconut. I savored the light, fluffy taste, not realizing that I appreciate non-chocolate sweets. But after reflecting on it, I think I have grown up. I sometimes voluntarily choose vanilla over chocolate; I pick cheesecake over brownie blasts; and I might even choose a jamba juice rather than a frosty. Do I love chocolate less? No, I just love a lot more delights of life than I used to. Before, I thought I'd be cheating on chocolate, but I realize now that I can love many things without be unfaithful!

Do I Have the Right Job? devotional

Identify your gifts in life, and use those to help you choose your career. (DyC 46)
Work may not always be fun. Sometimes there are sacrifices and mundane parts to our callings.
You must love your job so that even low pay and trials associated with it are part of your calling to serve other people. One of the sacrifices for being a teacher is that you will not be compensated financially for what you do, yet it is worth it if you love it. Be willing to sacrifice a comfortable lifestyle if necessary.
You may not be applauded.
Mosiah 28 and Alma 1:26
Meaningfulness in life doesn't primarily come from work. It comes from serving others, enriching others. Render meaningful service through work.
You are always a full-time servant of the Lord. When I fold laundry or clean the floor, I am serving the Lord because my eye is single to His glory. No small calling, no small tasks. Added together, the small tasks make us prepared to serve the Lord.
Make your life about serving others. Be careful about your motive for the service that you do. You shouldn't focus on you. If you're sad, then recognize that it's not all about you. It's not. Focus on others. It will distract you from your disappointments, and it will bless them. Work to serve. Remember BYU's motto, "enter to learn, go forth to serve."
What is your calling in life? Jesus Christ will guide us to our callings. If He is my focus, His path will become mine. "You students are our calling." Do good in the world. "Follow your bliss. Follow your blisters." Go forth to serve.
I want to feel about my students and my teaching how he obviously feels about his.

Jeffery Thompson

Multi-Tasking

As I am typing this, I am sitting in class. I have found that I enjoy class much more when I am doing other homework during class time. Because there is so much repetition in my classes, I find it easy to do other homework while sitting in class listening to the lecture. I believe that this is only possible because I prepare for class by reading; therefore, I listen more carefully when my professors add supplemental materials that are not in the reading. Other than that, I work on Powerpoint Presentations, writing responses, and reading for other classes at times. Just a random observation!

Technology... we can be done now.

Well, I am at the BYU bookstore to look at my new booklist for the spring. On the way into the bookstore, I passed the electronics section, where the IPAD is the new hot-ticketed item. For $700 I can have a giant computer that won't allow me to really type. As a writer, that would do me almost no good at all. I wonder why people seem to need so many new gadgets. Do they really improve the quality of life that much? I can think of so many other things that are more worthwhile for my money.

BYU REGISTRATION FRUSTRATION

Well, though I have been trying to convince my little sister that BYU isn't that large of a community and that it doesn't feel like there are 33,000 students... Today there are. I am supposed to be registering for my classes, but am unable because the registration program has surpassed its capacity to facilitate users at the 12:00 am starting line. Ah! is all I have to say. Go to a smaller school Em.

New word

foreignism - means the imitation of of what is foreign.

So basically, when we throw themed parties or I try to make Argentine food, I am encouraging foreignism!

The OED approves!

Lemons

I should repeat the poem on my header. It's a description of my life.


.

Hi Dana

I just wanted you to read this because I know that you will. Remember that time when you walked into Ben and Phil's apartment, but it was taken already... haha. Sorry to have taken over the love sacks! Anyways... Hope you have a wonderful morning... I'll see you at the R.S. Luncheon... Much love!

And for everyone else reading this, which is basically no one... Sorry! This is my blog and I wanted to leave a message specifically for Dana. So there.

Goodnight!

Oh how my brain doth wane in intelligence and desire. Methinks I shall quit this act!

Well, it was my half-birthday yesterday. Did I receive a good present. Yes, I did, but I shall not tell.

I am completely frazzled with my Shakespeare midterm. I normally feel smart and confidant, but this time, I feel like I have spent hours working on these essays, and I just don't know how to improve them and make them papers that honestly deserve and earn an "A" from Dr. Siegfried. I'm going to plow ahead, get something on paper, and call it "quits." Sometimes, my brain just can't make everything a priority and mentally, I'm elsewhere engaged.

Nephew quotes

Well, my nephews were talking about what would happen if the world ended in 2012. One of them said that they wouldn't graduate high school because that's his graduation year. The other said, "Man! I'll never get the ironic priesthood!" Yay Tucker.

He also said that buying a new house would be hard. You'd have to buy "paper clips...furniture...a stapler..."

Aimee is only seven, but she is obsessed with babies. She wants another one so badly that she was begging her parents to adopt. She nagged them so much that they are now calling people in their wards to find some baby for her to play with. Aimee said to me however that she wanted "a brown one. Maybe from China." Ha ha. They're moving the old changing table into her bedroom.

FACEBOOK

Facebook is way too public. I have a million comments about my new status, which is hilarious. I would be fine with it, except that I am not the only one to read the comments! How can I be so shy about some things? And so open about others? On this one, I'm a bit shy... Too bad though. There's no mercy with excited friends and social networks!

quote

CUANDO UNO SUEÑA ALGO, ES SOLO UN SUEÑO, PERO.... CUANDO MUCHOS SUEÑAN LO MISMO, ES EL COMIENZO DE UNA REALIDAD...

-Guillermoq

Gotta love Grandmas

"You're beautiful. All the way. Your mind too." Nana

Happy National Grammar Day!!!

In honor of National Grammar Day, I write this post!

Yesterday, as I was leaving my Shakespeare class, my friend and classmate Jessica,told me that today would be National Grammar Day. I, a fellow English teaching dork,told my roommates with excitement later that night. I probably sounded just as enthusiastic as I would have were I talking about some boy (or maybe a particular one). They stared at me blankly of course,then laughed at the English teacher in me. As far as they were concerned, I was probably one of the only people in the world excited about Grammar day.

But I am not alone. I woke up this morning,went to the gym, wrote a paper, and then headed to class, walking with another friend, Miss Dana Glen. We chatted about many things, and just before entering the JFSB dungeon with no cell-phone service, I exclaimed, "oh yeah! Happy Grammar Day!" She smiled and thanked me, going on her way like a normal English person, not an English teaching freak.

Then! It happened! I walked into my niche at BYU--my teaching grammar class, where sitting on the table were frosted cookies boasting exclamation points, question marks, hanging quotation marks, interrobangs, ellipses, periods, commas, and more! Only there was I at home, laughing with those of "my kind." We all get it! And we love it. L.O.V.E. So... Happy Grammar Day!


A QUOTE FROM A STUDENT IN MY CLASS TODAY (he's a guy, fyi):

"Revising is like getting a face lift. Editing is like putting make-up on."

A FEW SITES FOR FUN:

http://eng329ostenson.pbworks.com/FrontPage
http://savethewords.org/
http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/
http://schott.blogs.nytimes.com/

Papers or blogging? Blogging.

Well, instead of starting my exam for my Shakespeare class, I am researching for American lit and blogging. Well, you might say, "hey. She loves American Lit!" Though it strikes an occasional interest, as it must for an english major, I really am jsut terrified of beginning the kiss of death--days and days of essay writing, compiling sixteen pages for Shakespeare, three for Teaching Writing, and an Annotated Bibliography for American Lit! All due on March 10th! Yay for English people and their lovely assignments.

What I don't understand is how I can love and hate a subject so much at the same time!

6 year olds more mature in dating than me!

Well, life is just full of lemons!. We'll hear about two right now, starting with the sweet moment, then the bitter-sweet one!

I was volunteering with my friend Alysha last friday at a children's half-way house, where a little girl named Audrey said the funniest things!

"I met the love of my life today. His name is Mark. I like having boyfriends because they are always there for you. Like when Ryan took me straight to the principal's office to fix my boo boo."

I said, "you have more than one boyfriend?"

She responded, "yes. Mark is my favorite because the other ones always follow me around when I need my privacy."

I told her that I only have friends. It's easier, which leads to item # 2:

I'm completely afraid of commitment. Who's have thought? There's a guy who's definitely interested in me, and I like him, but he's really interested, and that's scarier than anything! AH! That's never happened before. Well, we'll see what happens. I just am confused by fear. I like him, but sometimes I wonder why I'm hesitant. It's nice to know that little Audrey is better than dating than me! Haha!

Lab. Sentence for Grammar glass: Distracting myself from the one concern that pervaded my thoughts all day long.

All day today I was walking to and from class, sitting in lectures, writing in the library, trying not to think about Jeff, who was supposed to call and ask me out at some point because he and I have been talking and starting something in a slow but progressing way, even though both of us are shy and slow-moving, but he didn't call me, and I am a bit bummed as I realize that I probably won't be going out with him this weekend, the exciting romantic adventure exchanged for a Saturday of homework and writing for my Shakespeare class and my American Literature class, the distractions that somewhat kept my mind off of the silence of my phone, whose poor reception in the library wasn't the reason he didn't call, unfortunately, for there were no messages or texts that lifted my hopes, rather a static dissappointment in a temporary letdown of lack of pursuit, initiative, or confidance in my beloved male sex.

--

Moment of Truth

Well, I've discovered that I am a big scaredy-cat. The thought of something going well in life is intimidating because that means I have to do something about it. That might sound pessimistic, yet it is far too true! I am such an open person in so many ways, yet in some areas of my life, I'm closed and private, not wanting to be vulnerable.

"B" Work to my "A"

Grammar B or the "Alternate Style" has been my best friend in my BYU career. I waited a long time to find it and worked hard to develop the relationship.

Skipping back to middle school and high school years, my teachers told me to never start a sentence with a coordinating conjunction, use a contraction in an essay, or use the personal voice. Those were unforgivable taboos that evoked a giant red circle whenever I would forget the "rules." Due to such indoctrination, my writing was dry, but won my GPA bonus points on the secondary level.

At the university level, however, I took Dr. Hickman's American Literature Survey Class, where my precious "A's" were slapped and replaced with the dreaded "B's." It seemed no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't produce "A" level work. Such a frustration! All the years of formatting and convention stunted my idea development, and my dry style likely bored my professor to using his pen to distract himself from my dully expressed ideas.

Later in a 300 level university writing class, my professor introduced me to the "Alternate Style" where my ideas finally had the freedom to exist beyond the lines of convention, a "liberation akin to the women's suffrage amendment" like Mr. Romano said in "Breaking the Rules With Style." Using books such as Writing With Style, I learned that I can start a sentence with a conjunction! And doing so could add flavor to an otherwise boring critique, among other rebellious rhetorical techniques.

I now had my own style, breaking the rules in a calculated, controlled way. As a junior, I took a second class from Dr. Hickman, and my writing had changed! I finally earned those "A's," and it felt amazing to receive that affirmation from my favorite professor, knowing that my writing had transformed to what he would deem an accomplishment. He even suggested that I present my piece in a writer's conference. Never in my life had I been so proud of a paper. Though there had been many papers in between those freshman "B's" and the final "A," I felt like that particular paper took me three years of revising my writing: and I finally succeeded!

Romano quoted Weathers who asked "that the 'ways' of writing be spread before [him so that his education could be] devoted to learning how to use them." That too would have been my request, had I known such ways existed!

Well, I am thoroughly pleased with my weekend so far. I just had the best time doing homework, playing, getting to know people, and watching LOST. I always catch on to things years later, and this is one of those instances. I have avoided the LOST craze because knowing my compulsive, lack of moderation self, I knew that seeing one episode would hook me. Though my homework isn't suffering, my sleep is. But that's okay. It's a form of release.

I am somewhat hesitant in making this a journal for my personal life. I am the most open person with those that I trust, but that usually requires a person to person interaction. If I post something on here, there's always the off-chance that someone can find something out that is embarrassing... Anyways, I am still figuring out this cyber space stuff; I'm undecided as to whether or not I like it.

Well, have a good one!

Lemons

Lemon, a tart flavor that makes
the bland, bright;
the weak, strong;
the boring, memorable.

Lemons lighten the hardened,
liven the burdened, YET
lament the crummy.

Lemons illuminate life,
making minuscule moments magically looming.

Lemons lighten up life
AND
awaken the senses:
the eyes, our smells, the taste,
AND
in so doing,
Changes my air.

Interesting life- interesting story?

Well, yesterday I was searching through teaching books, and I stumbled across a book I Am Pencil. In it, there's a chapter that tells of a teacher visiting his student's home. He found a sad situation, but said in the last lines, "well, it will make him a better writer," as though that makes it okay. I was disturbed.

But, lo and behold! Today while reading in Negro Art and America, I found a similar statement, saying that the "the poetry the average negro lives" inspires his story, making the writer's words art because of his lived experience.

I often feel like I have nothing to add to the vast plethora of novels, poetry, and short stories. How could something in my experience really inspire a story that says something important? Does my life have to be interesting in order to have a good story? Or is my life uninteresting to me because the normal things in it seem commonplace to me? Perhaps to someone else, my story would be interesting. But if that's the case, how's a writer to know? How am I to know?

If I feel this way, then how will my high school students feel?

LOST!

Just started season 1. I'm a bit behind. That's why... I'm getting offline! Chau!

Complaints!

Well, I am supposed to be doing some reading quickly before class starts, but I forgot the reading assignment, and it's not on my syllabus.

Well, yesterday I spent an hour and a half researching to find a topic for my next paper. I shot off an email to my teacher proposing my idea, which she shot down rather well. I understand her reasoning, but it's still a bummer. I can't research what I want because for my idea, she says there isn't any research yet. Who would have thought no one has studied "teaching writing to ESL students." Oh well.

P.S. EFY why didn't hire me for this summer. Bummer.

Yes, I'm...Sarah.

Yes, I'm...Sarah
It was interesting talking today about Sandra Cisnero's chapter, "My Name." Names really do make up a part of who we are. As some of you know, I recently returned from my mission. For almost nineteen months, my name was Hermana Johnson. That was who I was. Suddenly, I came home, and other people called be by a name that seemed foreign to me: Sarah. For more than two weeks, I didn't utter my name, not because I avoided it, but because it never occurred to me. When I knocked on my new apartment door, a new roommate asked, "Are you Sarah?" I, somewhat uneasy, said for the first time, "yes, I'm... Sarah," opening a new chapter in my life, accepting my name once more. But who would I be in this phase of life? Well,right now, I'm re-discovering who I am

Sentence fun- Dorky teachers!!!

Wow. I should really edit my picture. I don't look like that anymore, but whatever. So I just left my Grammar class, and instead of immediately starting my paper, I decided to write to cyberspace. Great, huh? We are such dorks in our class. We learned about appositives and absolutes. No where other than a teaching grammar class will you find a group of people competing to craft the most creative sentence.

These were two of mine:

The adrenaline junky, blood pumping with anticipation, scaled the icy wall inch by inch.

The fence, a fierce divider between love and war, separated the path from the field.

The crane, an aged beauty, sat abandoned in the rail yard.

I am so an English teacher!!!

Prose- To blog or not to blog... How is the question!

As I am trying to figure blogging out, I am toying with the idea of creating an online writing portfolio. How I would categorize that would be very helpful. I wonder what may be done in order to successfully navigate this idea. These are my ideas: I could post my research papers, my poetry, my journal if I want to go intimately public, or I could just keep it simple, making it an online journal. I like the idea of having an online portfolio; the organization is what concerns me for now.

Well, I don't get to wear my plaque anymore! Sometimes I just reach for it, but it isn't there. Other than that, I am completely healthy!

I'm lost!

and yet...found.